You all are the best. Seriously. I don’t get support from very many people I know in person like I do from my blog friends. I really don’t. It’s incredible how much of an impact it has on me when I check my email to find loving comments from you all. I honestly feel like the blogger world is one of the most supportive communities out there.
For that, I thank you.
This morning, I stepped on the scale and was completely shocked with the number I saw. 113 lbs rather than 119 lbs (my usual weight). That’s lower than I’ve been in probably a couple years. The surprising/important part is that: The number didn’t make me happy. It made me feel unhealthy because I know that it isn’t because I’ve been eating healthy or exercising. It’s the opposite. It’s because I haven’t been eating enough. Without the changes that I have gone through with blogging, I would have been happy to see this number. I have never been an addict to the scale. I know it isn’t a reliable factor when it comes to healthiness; however, I would have been happy. Now, I see it completely different. I know my body. I know that I am not healthy right now. My running is an obvious indication of that. 10:40 pace this morning. My speed is deteriorating and I know that it’s because I’m not giving my body what it needs to function the way I want it to. The way it needs to. I can’t help it though. It took me probably close to an hour yesterday to force down cottage cheese & peaches. That’s not a meal that should take that long. That’s not a meal that should leave me feeling completely stuffed and sick feeling. The chicken, sweet potato, and broccoli I had before I went to work was the same. It tasted good; however, it was hard to make myself eat it just because my appetite isn’t there. I was convinced that I would end up getting hungry at work, but that never happened.
I need to force myself to eat more. This isn’t how I want to be. I don’t want to feel like eating is a chore. I’m going to get a pear for after my spin class tonight and hopefully I’ll actually enjoy eating that more.
I’ve always hated the fact that I’m usually hungry all.the.time. Now, I hate that I’m not.
I like the person that I am becoming. I like being able to honestly say that I’m not happy with the way that I’m losing weight. If it was because I was actually balancing eating and exercise, then it’d be a different story.
For that, I thank you. I’m not sure I ever would have gotten into this mindset if it wasn’t for the mindset of the bloggers I interact with. Even though I’m not being healthy right now, I have the mindset to acknowledge that it is unhealthy. Knowing this, it makes me know that I will get better. I just have to get my emotions in check and my life straightened out.
Thank you for all of your kind words. It means the world to me.