The best community ever – bloggers

You all are the best.  Seriously.  I don’t get support from very many people I know in person like I do from my blog friends.  I really don’t.  It’s incredible how much of an impact it has on me when I check my email to find loving comments from you all.  I honestly feel like the blogger world is one of the most supportive communities out there. 

For that, I thank you.

 

This morning, I stepped on the scale and was completely shocked with the number I saw.  113 lbs rather than 119 lbs (my usual weight).  That’s lower than I’ve been in probably a couple years.  The surprising/important part is that: The number didn’t make me happy.  It made me feel unhealthy because I know that it isn’t because I’ve been eating healthy or exercising.   It’s the opposite.  It’s because I haven’t been eating enough.  Without the changes that I have gone through with blogging, I would have been happy to see this number.  I have never been an addict to the scale.  I know it isn’t a reliable factor when it comes to healthiness; however, I would have been happy.  Now, I see it completely different.  I know my body.  I know that I am not healthy right now.  My running is an obvious indication of that.  10:40 pace this morning. My speed is deteriorating and I know that it’s because I’m not giving my body what it needs to function the way I want it to.  The way it needs to.  I can’t help it though.  It took me probably close to an hour yesterday to force down cottage cheese & peaches.  That’s not a meal that should take that long. That’s not a meal that should leave me feeling completely stuffed and sick feeling.  The chicken, sweet potato, and broccoli I had before I went to work was the same.  It tasted good; however, it was hard to make myself eat it just because my appetite isn’t there.  I was convinced that I would end up getting hungry at work, but that never happened. 

I need to force myself to eat more.  This isn’t how I want to be.  I don’t want to feel like eating is a chore.  I’m going to get a pear for after my spin class tonight and hopefully I’ll actually enjoy eating that more. 

I’ve always hated the fact that I’m usually hungry all.the.time.  Now, I hate that I’m not. 

I like the person that I am becoming.  I like being able to honestly say that I’m not happy with the way that I’m losing weight.   If it was because I was actually balancing eating and exercise, then it’d be a different story.

For that, I thank you.  I’m not sure I ever would have gotten into this mindset if it wasn’t for the mindset of the bloggers I interact with.  Even though I’m not being healthy right now, I have the mindset to acknowledge that it is unhealthy.  Knowing this, it makes me know that I will get better.  I just have to get my emotions in check and my life straightened out.

 

Thank you for all of your kind words.  It means the world to me.

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9 responses to “The best community ever – bloggers

  1. Good for you lil lady!

    you are running long distances and burning tons of cals.

    I am thrilled you feel the way you do about it!

    that’s HUGE! especially at your age!

    be well, and have a great day!

  2. Aww girl! At first when I read this, I was all “oh that sounds a lot like me” but then I read how you said your unable to eat and then your running time is getting worse. See I weighed around 120 for the longest time and then once I came to college I dropped 10 pounds. I know right, freshman 15 didn’t stand a chance! I was eating the same way but I just started running more and I wasn’t eating throughout the day, just meals because I wasn’t hungry. Whereas at home, I always wanted food all the time hah. As long as you know what your body feels and needs that is a great thing!! You know the loss of weight isn’t a good thing and you want to fix that. A lot of girls might know it’s not good but like the idea of the number. Numbers and weight mean nothing!! How you feel means the world, because we are all different! Love you girl and hope you get better!! I’m here 🙂

  3. We appreciate you as a blogger! You are so sweet and I enjoy reading about your day. It is a great thing that you acknowledge that you’re not eating enough. While some girls may love the fact that they dropped weight without even trying, you are making it known that you are not happy about it and need to make a change. With all the running that you are doing right now, your body needs more food. The food fuels your body and will give you that energy you need to do your best run. If you have trouble wanting to eat, I suggest drinking smoothies or make your own healthy milkshake with some protein powder. Whatever the case, we’re all here for you and want you to look and feel your best.

  4. I am so glad that you are at least seeing that losing weight is affecting your runs! Whenever I get too small my runs are definitely slower! It just goes to show that the thinner you are does not always mean you will be faster! Hang in there Sammi and I hope you figure it out! I agree with Jennifer above, maybe if you don’t feel like eating you could try drinking some calories! 🙂

  5. fattiefatterton

    We love you, chica. I am worried about you. I hope that you feel better soon. We’re all here (and hear) for you.

    • No need to worry 🙂 things are just really confusing right now and I need to get my feelings straight. I’ll be back soon though. I promise. I may just keep things strictly food & fitness for a little while.

  6. Hi Sammi! I am sorry you are not feeling well and have lost your appetite. Do you need to take a break from some things until it comes back? Let’s us know how we can help!

  7. Sammi,
    I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch right now. 😦 I hope things improve soon! Good for you for keeping an eye on your health and recognizing when you need to make changes.

  8. Sammi,

    it broke my heart to read your post, because that feeling is all too familiar to me.

    trust your body, know that it is your ally and will work with you if you honour it with what it needs (food, water, and sleep to start).

    it is so easy to fall into the alluring trap of the scale but you are stronger than that! you are a strong woman, capable of run, loving, giving, and living to the fullest capacity. love your body in the way that you love others, you deserve that much love.

    xo kate.

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